Writing 101

And then I opened my eyes

One moment a small antique shop. The next moment… hurtling through space. Unbelievable? I know. And then I landed. Abruptly. Hard ground. Musty air. Tight space. Close air. I haven’t opened my eyes yet. I haven’t dared. But I have to know…

Eyes open. Darkness. Anticlimactic. But wait. A doorknob. I reach out. Hesitate. Turn the knob. Hold my breath. And push…

Wide open sky on fire. Blue, orange, red, yellow. Small dark wisps of smoky purple. Magnificence. Tall majestic giants surround me. Birch? Maple? Oak? White bark. Red leaves. Orange leaves. Yellow. A hint of green. Natural Splendor. Autumn finery. Light dims. Green grass turning jade. The horizon glistens. Waves lap. Softly. Gently. Melodically. There is only the slightest breeze. The lake is… inviting. Calling. Laughing. Singing. Whispering it’s magic. Asking me to play.

One step. Two Step. Three Step. The lake grows closer, closer, and closer still. But wait. Just there. On the left. Something moves in the gathering dusk. It’s coming towards me. It’s seeking me out. Nonsense. Foolishness. Move forward. One step. Two step… A quick glance left. It’s still approaching. But what… peer into the night descending. Stillness. Coolness. The creature approaches. A dog? No.  A Cat! A big Cat! Long sleek body. Full caramel mane. A lion.

Danger! Panic! Run! Frozen. Don’t move. Don’t blink. Don’t breath. Perhaps in this moment I can cease to exist. This must be a dream. Eyes closed. Wake up, wake up, wake up! Pinched arm.

Warm breath on my face. Shaking, crying, praying. “Don’t cry daughter of Eve. No harm will come to you.” Kind voice. Calming Voice. But wait? Daughter of Eve? Thoughts swirl. Pieces fall. Could it be? Hope blossoms.

Eyes open. Eyes meet. Searching. Asking. Hoping. Longing. Knowing.

Aslan. Narnia. Home.

 

And there you have the result from Writing 101 Day 2. You can read about the assignment, which focused on setting, here. Let me know what you think. Did you feel and believe the setting? What about the style? If not, what made it fall flat for you?

Keep Smiling,

Megra12

6 thoughts on “And then I opened my eyes”

  1. I liked the pacing! It built a lot of suspense for me. I have to admit, I had no idea that it was Narnia until I read “daughter of Eve.” Even then I wasn’t sure where I’d heard that before. The twist was great! I actually read it over again to make the connections between what you described and how I remember Narnia being described.

  2. Hi! Good writing; very easy to envision.

    Something to consider:
    There’s a detail missing between your first line and your second that could be filled in. Something must have happened to make the narrator go hurtling through space. In The Chronicles of Narnia the children stepped into the wardrobe — or looked at a picture and were drawn into it. Maybe the narrator peered into an old English teapot or something.

    P.S.: My roots are in Ontario, too; my grandfather was born in Listowel. We lived there for fifteen years (SW of Stratford.)

    Happy Writing 101 days.

    1. Thanks for your feedback! I originally had a line similar to that at the beginning. The character was in an antique shop looking at various items. But I didn’t like the way they fit with the rest of the piece and then forgot to go back and add something. Ooops! 🙂 I love the idea of the old English Teapot.

      And I know Listowel, I have friends who live there!

      Megra12

  3. I really like this assignment. Great job on the writing! It was very believable! I liked the flow of it and the description made it very easy to envision. 🙂

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