I work in retail. I did ballet for 10 years. Some days I wish I could fire my feet and hire new ones.
I mean seriously. Though my feet technically do everything in the job description: stand, walk, balance etc. They no longer do the job all that well and they definitely do not work well without copious amounts of complaining. Now, to be fair, when I am not working in retail they do their job not too badly with minimal amounts of complaining (I say minimal because it is rare that they are complaint free). But as soon as I start working retail again…
I got to wondering what a job posting for new feet would look like (yep, that’s where my brain goes). Here’s what I came up with.
Wanted: feet, size 6.5 (with ankles). (full time). Must have experience (walking ability required). The job involves large amounts of standing and walking. Dancing ability non-negotiable. Must be willing to commit to 24 hours a day (overnights generally “free” but overtime may be required and must be available at a moments notice). Must be willing to do the job with minimal complaints and with as little pain as possible (those with tendonitis or plantar facititis or really anything that ends with “itis” need not apply). Must be willing to work with or without socks and shoes depending on the circumstance. Ability to work in heels preferred. Other tasks may include biking, swimming, running (small amounts), jumping (also small amounts) and standing on tiptoe (the rest of the body is not super tall). Must be flexible and willing to take on new responsibilities as needed. Non-smelliness an asset. Job begins immediately upon hire.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I may complain, but I am thankful for my feet. I am thankful I can walk and swim and bike and stand and balance (for the most part) and dance. I am so thankful for the ability to dance. I love that I can buy lots of cute shoes for great deals because I have relatively small feet. I just wish they wouldn’t hurt so much at the end of the night.
(Crossposted to Blogher)